If a thousand altars stream with blood
Of the victims slain by the chanting priest,
Is a great God lured by the savoury food?
I reck not of worship, or song, or feast;
But that millions perish, each hour that flies,
Is the mystic sign of my sacrifice.

Ye may plead and pray for the millions born;
They come like dew on the morning grass;
Your vows and vigils I hold in scorn,
The soul stays never, the stages pass;
All life is the play of the power that stirs
In the dance of my wanton worshippers.

And the strong swift river my shrine below
It runs, like man, its unending course
To the boundless sea from eternal snow;
Mine is the Fountain—and mine the Force
That spurs all nature to ceaseless strife;
And my image is Death at the gates of Life.

In many a legend and many a shape,
In the solemn grove and the crowded street,
I am the Slayer, whom none escape;
I am Death trod under a fair girl’s feet;
I govern the tides of the sentient sea
That ebbs and flows to eternity.

And the sum of the thought and the knowledge of man
Is the secret tale that my emblems tell;
Do ye seek God’s purpose, or trace his plan?
Ye may read your doom in my parable:
For the circle of life in its flower and its fall
Is the writing that runs on my temple wall.…

Let my temples fall, they are dark with age,
Let my idols break, they have stood their day;
On their deep hewn stones the primeval sage
Has figured the spells that endure always;
My presence may vanish from river and grove,
But I rule for ever in Death and Love

(source: Shiva - By Sir Alfred Comyn Lyall)

Saturn in Tropical Cancer

And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man;
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thought,
And rolls through all things. Therefore am I still
A lover of the meadows and the woods,
And mountains; and of all that we behold
From this green earth; of all the mighty world
Of eye, and ear,–both what they half create,
And what perceive; well pleased to recognise
In nature and the language of the sense,
The anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse,
The guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul
Of all my moral being.

- William Wordsworth

Rig Veda

This week, I’ve been dipping in to the Rig Veda. The Rig Veda, a collection of hymns to ancient Vedic gods and minor deities, is considered one of the oldest religious-literary works in the world. I find some of these hymns fairly incomprehensible.
Yet there are other hymns in the Rig Veda which I find moving and thought-provoking, such this hymn about creation (Book X, Hymn 129):

1. Then was no non-existent nor existent: there was no realm of air, no sky beyond it.
What covered in, and where? and what gave shelter? Was water there, unfathomed depth of water?
2. Death was not then, nor was there aught immortal: no sign was there, the day’s and night’s divider.
That One Thing, breathless, breathed by its own nature: apart from it was nothing whatsoever.
3. Darkness there was: at first concealed in darkness this All was indiscriminated chaos.
All that existed then was void and formless: by the great power of Warmth was born that Unit. …

6. Who verily knows and who can here declare it, whence it was born and whence comes this creation?
The Gods are later than this world’s production. Who knows then whence it first came into being?
7. He, the first origin of this creation, whether he formed it all or did not form it,
Whose eye controls this world in highest heaven, he verily knows it, or perhaps he does not.

These are words from the past which still speak to me with the same sense of wonder, the same sense of confronting the unknowable, with which they spoke to the priests and followers of the ancient Vedic religion, when this hymn was first sung three millennia ago.

India - Iran - Aryans

Dedicated to my friend 'Nasreen' from Iran
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The Vedas and the vedic knowledge were born in India. As time has flown by, many natural calamities and socio-political upheavals have modified the picture of this landmass to a large extent. But, in spite of this external transformation, there continues to flow in the heart of this land a thin yet strong current of rich collective heritage. One particular distributary of that current is the ancient Iranian (Zoroastrian) text Zend Avesta. The religion propagated by Zarathustra in ancient Iran was a branch of Vedic knowledge. Only the language differs: Iranian (sometimes called Avestan or Old Iranian) instead of Sanskrit. A search into the religious foundations of ancient Iran will lead us to believe that their ancestors were the very same people who propagated Vedic knowledge. In other words, ancient Iranians were from ancient India.

Due to lack of productive work, they travelled to what we now called Iran. The very word Iran is only a spacio-temporal distortion of the word Aryan. As proof of this statement, I would like to present the following sloka from ManuSamhita:

shanakaistu kriyaalopaadimaah kshatriyajaatayohvrishalatvam gataaloke braahmanaadarshanena capoundrkaashcodradaavidaah kambojaah yanaashokaahpaaradaa pahlavaarshceenaah kiraataah daradaakhashaah

(Translation: The ancient name of Persia (Paarasya in Sanskrit) was Paarada. On breaking down of the family and other social structures, a section of kshatriyas came to be called as shoodra at first and yavana later. The inhabitants of Persia belong to that group.)

Max Müller, too, in his Lectures on the Sanskrit Language infers, albeit without any proof, “The Zoroastrians were a colony from Northern India.”

A few more accounts of the Avestan language (called Zend-bhaashaa by many contemporary Sanskrit scholars), and the reader shall be able to independently deduce that this language was born from Sanskrit.

Iran, as we all know, is yet another ancient name for Persia. The Iranians sometimes pronounce it as “Airan”. Airan is also how Iran is mentioned in Ferdowsi’s Shahname. Now let us study the warriors of ancient India for further understanding of the matter at hand. The kshatriyas were broadly divided into two classes: candravamsheeya (of the lineage of candra) and suryavamsheeya (of the lineage of surya). Several puraanas, including Markandeya Puraana and Vaayupuraana mention a candravamsheeya King Pururavaa and his Queen Ira. In Sanskrit, Airan means “from Ira” (just like Aindra means “from Indra”). The same puraanas also describe a battle waged among the kshatriyas with the two aforementioned dynasties pitted against each other. It was as a result of this war that part of the cadravamsheeya kshatriyas had to immigrate to the modern Iran. Among linguists, a certain view holds that Sur and Suran are mere phonetic variations of Tur and Turan, and that the Puraanic war between candra and surya kshatriyas are the same as the legendary wars between Iran and Turan (these wars are described in Ferdowsi’s Shahname too).

On a comparative analysis of the rituals, names of Gods and Goddesses, names of warrior kings and religious advices, extremely surprising revelations in the form of similarities begin to appear. At places, the Avestan language is similar to the extent of being a mere dialect of Sanskrit. Even the notoriously anti-Indian historian and numismatist Col. James Tod, while writing about the ancient Median empire, talks of King Aja Medha of Brahmaavarta-varsha (the name of India before it came to be called Bhaarata-varsha) and his five sons. Two of those sons left India and travelled towards the north-west and in memory of their clan, name their north-western kingdom Medha-desha. This Medha-desha gradually got converted to Medes. Col. Tod concludes, “The country from which Persians are said to have come, can be no other than the North-West part of Ancient India.”

In Zend Avesta, it is written in details that a group from ancient India had reached Persia through Afghanistan and Baluchistan. In the section of Zend Avesta titled Vendidad, Ahura Mazda tells Zarathustra of the sixteen perfect lands, and the penultimate in that list is hapta-hindu, or sapta-sindhu. The first of the perfect lands has been incorrectly translated as “Eastern Iran” in available English editions. The actual phrase is “east of here”, which should be better translated as “east of Iran”. It is also mentioned that under the leadership of Jamshed, the people of that eastern land came down from higher mountains to a plain devoid of animals and human beings. Keep the map of our earth in your mind, and put together the inferences of aforementioned historians, the sloka penned down from ManuSamhita, follow the descriptions in Zend Avesta … and the reader shall stumble upon India.
Now let us start studying the linguistic, socio-cultural and religious similarities of the ancient Iranians and the ancient Indians. First of all, the names and divisions of religious texts. The oldest religious texts of India: Veda. Veda comes from vid, which means “to know”. Zend Avesta is “Zend + Avesta”. Different languages differ slightly in its pronunciation. In Bengali, for instance, it is called “Jend Abhesta”. Many call it “Jendaabhesta” or “Zendaavesta”. In English it has been translated and spelled as Zend Avesta. Zend or jend comes from the Iranian jan, which, too, means “to know”. Also notice the similarity between Iranian jan and Sanskrit jna. jna and vid are synonymous in Sanskrit.

Another school of linguists infer that jend could be a distortion of chanda [please do not read this as the Hindi name Chandaa], meaning “rhythm” in Sanskrit. We find such distortions in Sanskrit plays. For example, in Kaalidasa’s Abhignaana Shakuntalam, the pure Sanskrit word “shakuntale” becomes “sha-undale” when the female protagonist is called by her friends. A similar colloquial distortion can result in “jend” from “chanda”, especially in light of Panini’s reference to vedic Sanskrit as “chanda”. Panini’s description is quite apt due to the divine nature of the sriptures. The Sanskrit word for God, devataa, explained as yaha dyotanam karoti saha devataa, means that which vibrates or oscillates. The second word avesta or abhesta is an obvious cousin of Sanskrit avastha, which comes from “ava sthiti” or “residing in that” (here, as in all Vedic desciptions, that should be interpreted as “the universe” or “parambrahma“). Thus, Zend Avesta, meaning “study of the avesta”, takes the meaning “residing orstaying in universal divinity” in Sanskrit. A detailed study of the Zend Avesta will assure the reader that this meaning is very much in the spirit of the monism in this book.

Now let us inspect the divisions of the religious texts. Zend Avesta is divided into three parts: (a) yashna, (b) vendidad and (c) yashta. Yashna is a colloquial distortion of yagna. The rituals involving fires and invocations of Gods in the Zend Avesta bear uncanny resemblance to the vedic yagna. Moreover, yashna is also called gatha, and the exact same word is used in Sanskrit for the vedic prayers.
Vendidad, again, is a (possibly diachronic) modification of the Sanskrit word vanditaata, meaning “(I) worship (you) O Supreme Father”. What will a reader call the portrait of Ahura Mazda in Zend Avesta if not the Supreme Father? The book is full of worships and offerings to Him. The last and the third part, yashta, deals with social and cultural rules and regulations, much like the last and least ancient of the vedas, the atharva veda. The division of Zend Avesta into three parts, too, reflects the division of vedas. Before the time of Vyaasa, the author of Mahabharata and a great many other books, atharva veda did not exist as a seperate veda. Thus, in many places one still finds the vedas being referred to as trayi or “three”.
Moreover: in India, even today a religious Hindu believes that all rites and rituals must be performed in Sanskrit. One does not find a Hindu cremating a loved one while reciting poems in Hindi, Bhojpuri, Bengali, Gujarati or Marathi. Every Hindu believes that the vedic chants hold some special power. Even the Zoroastrians share this faith. One will never find a ceremony where Ahura Mazda is being worshipped in a language other than the one in Zend Avesta. Just like the Indian Hindus, they too believe in a special divine power of that language. Is this not a heredity complex mirroring the vedic belief system?

Lastly, let us analyze the grammar of the two languages. The Sanskrit words asmai, kasmai and yasyaam mean “to them”, “to whom” and “in which” respectively. The Zend words amhai, kamhai and yesyaam carry the exact same meanings as their Sanskrit counterparts.

From Atharva Veda: kasmai devaaya vidhema.
From Zend Avesta: kamhai devaaya vidhema.
Both mean “to which God should I sacrifice?”

In Sanskrit, shvan means dog. In Zend, dog is called span. When used in singular as a predicate, the two languages use shvaanam and spaanam respectively. Used as the primary subject in a sentence: shvaa and spaa respectively. The phrase “to the dog” become shune and sune respectively.

Even more proof of Zend Avesta being an offshoot of Atharva Veda: In the former, the word pathan means “path” or “method”. The corresponding word in Sanskrit is pathin. As singular subject in a sentence: panthaa (Sanskrit) and pantaa (Zend). As plurals: panthaanah (Sanskrit) and pantaano (Zend). A detailed comparison of these highly respected books, the Atharva Veda and Zend Avesta, establish that their

philosophical, spiritual and religious statements are not just strikingly similar, they are exactly the same. Many indologists have arrived at the lightning quick conclusion that many parts of Atharva Veda have been lost due to wars, etc. To them my only request is that please not declare some random text as the “missing veda” …. the parts that are missing from India are present in an ancient India outside India and they go by the name of Zend Avesta. The Persian Zoroastrians are none other than long lost brothers of Vedic Hindus from India.

It is highly possible that, in spite of the many many linguistic proofs and the frequent parallels drawn at every level of the argument, somebody claims, “Well, great men think alike, and great sages realize alike!” For those readers, I present the following tables of Vedic Sanskrit and Zend. Even if great sages had, indeed, thought alike, it is impossible for them to come up with two different languages where there are thousands of homonyms and many of them have the same modifications for singularity-plurality, same modifications for subject-predicate, same modifications for active and passive voice, etc.

(a) Words where ’s’ in Sanskrit has changed to ‘h’ in Zend:

asura — ahura
soma — homa
sapta — hapta
maasa — maaha
senaa — henaa
[i am] asmi — ahmi[they are]
santi — hanti
vivaswata — vivahnata

(b) Words where ‘h’ in Sanskrit has changed to ‘j’ or ‘z’ in Zend:
hridaya — jardaya
hasta — janta
varaaha — varaaja
hotaa — jotaa
aahuti — aajuti
him — jim
hve — zve
vaahu — vaaju
ahi — aji

(c) Words where ’shva’ in Sanskrit got modified to ’spa’ in Zend:

vishva — vispa
ashva — aspa
shvan — span
krishaashva — krishaaspa

(d) Words where “t” (the soft ‘t’) in Sanskrit got modified to ‘tha’ (soft ‘th’ like in ‘thank’) in Zend:

mitra — mithra
trita — tritha
traitaal mantra — thraitaan mantra

All the listed words carry the same meanings in both the languages. Such astonishing resemblance cannot be called a mere coincidence. This resemblance is possible if and only if there is a common root or a common culture in the background. Cerain geographical and temporal changes in pronunciations are bound to occur. Such changes occur even within a single in modern India. The Bengali language of Darjeeling is not at all like the language in Kolkata which is nothing like the language in Dhaka. Tamil in Chennai is very different from Tamil in Madurai which is again very different from Tamil in Thirunelveli.

The list of common words goes on and on: pitara (father), maatara (mother), duhitara (daughter), pashu (animal), go (cow), makshi, (housefly) sharada, (spring season) vaata, abhra (mica), vaidya (physician), ritwija, namaste, manas (mind) , yama (God of death), varuna (God of clouds and water), aryaman, armati, ratha (chariot), rathastha (placed in or sitting in a chariot), gandharva, prashna (question), atharvana, gatha, indra, deva (God), jana, vajra, aja, jaanu …. so on and so forth. In every case, the meaning is shared by the two languages.

In spite of being away from their ancestral homeland, the ancient Iranians did not forget their heritage for a long long time. Let me present more examples to show the reader that the claim that Zend Avesta is a part of Atharva Veda is not something I have built out of my dreams:

(a) vishva duraksho jinavati [Zend: vispa drakshu janaiti]
(b) vishva duraksho nashyati [Zend: vispa drakshu naashaiti]
(c) yadaa shrinoti etaam vaacaam [Zend: yathaa hanoti aisham vaacam]

Moving on from language and grammar and even common phrases (as above comparisons show), let us analyze some social and cultural resmeblances. All historians agree that division of society along the four casts: brahmin, kshatriya, vaishya and shoodra is a uniquely Hindu creation that is to be found nowhere else. But we find this division in Zend Avesta.

From purushasukta in Rig Veda:
"braahmanosya mukhamaaseed vaahu raajanya kritahaoorutadasyayadwaishyaha padbhyaam shoodraohajaayataha"

(Translation: Brahmins came from the mouth of the Supreme father, Kshatriyas came from His arms, Vaishyas from his thighs and Shoodras from his feet.)

It is from this description that Hindus started creating heirarchies and divided the society in an indescribably rigid manner. However, these divisions were not decided by birth in the Vedic age. These were occupational divisions. Zend Avesta shares this with Hindu texts as the four divisions in Zoroastrianism. These are: (a) atharva, the priest (b) ratheshtan, the warrior (notice the inclusion of rath here, which means ‘chariot’ in Sanskrit) (c) vastriyoksiya, the agricultural labourer and lastly (d) huits, the labour. Is this division any different from the Hindu division into brahmins (priestly cast), kshatriyas (warriors), vaishyas (bussiness people) and shoodras (labourer)?

The famous translator of Zend Avesta, Prof. James Darmestater had exclaimed, “We find in it a description of the four classes which strikingly remind one of the Brahminical account of the origin of casts and which are certainly borrowed from India.”

In Hinduism, all casts with the exception of shoodra can wear a sacred thread called yagnopaveetam. Same is the case with ancient Persians. With the exception of huits, everyone may wear a sacred thread called kushti in Zend.

Finally, I would like to show the reader that there are entire slokas common between the Vedas and Zend Avesta:

"mahaantaa mitraa varunaa samraajaa devaav asuraaha sakhesakhaayaam ajaro jarimne agne martyaan amartyas tvam nah "
Rigveda: 10:87:21

(Translation: O Supreme Being, you are fire, you are the sun, you are water. You have appeared to us as Father, as our ruler, as our friend and as our teacher. O Great Father, you are beyond aging but we are not. You are beyond death but we are not. In spite of that you have given us the great fortune to call you our friend.)


"mahaantaa mitraa varunaa devaav ahuraaha sakhe ya fedroi vidaatpatyaye caa vaastrevyo at caa khatratave ashaauno ashavavyo "

Gatha 17:4 Yashna 53:4)

(Translation: O Ahura Mazda, you appear as the father, the ruler, the friend, the
worker and as knowledge. It is your immense mercy that has given a mortal the fortune to stay at your feet.)

In the 46th yashna Zarathustra worships thus:

rafedhram cagvaatta yatapriyopraaya darhaddeet
Gatha 10:2 Yashna 46:2

(Translation: O Ahura Mazda, give me that joy which given to a loved one by a loved one.)

In the Vedas, one supreme being is worshipped who takes on several forms for the creation and sustainence of this universe: ekam sad vipraaha bahudhaa vadanti
This ideology of monism is present throughout Zend Avesta.

Veda: majadaah sakritva smarishthah
[Only that supreme being is worthy of worship.]Zend: madaatta sakhaare marharinto

(Gatha 17:4 Yashna 29)
[Only Ahura Mazda is worthy of worship.]

There are several such hymns where the meaning is shared between the Send Avesta and the Vedas with very similar words being used. There are several occasions where we find the same rules being described in both. Vedas, for instance, forbid a person to take up the dharma of a sanyaasi (a hermit). Zend Avesta, too, forbids a person to leave a home behind. Such innumerable examples point to the fact that Zend Avesta is the glorious disclosure of a forgotten part of the Vedas, and thus a part of Hindu and Indian history. This final sloka will manage to silence all those who are still not convinced. Not a single syllable is different:

"yadi antareekshe yadi vaate aasa yadi vriksheshu yadi bolapashuyad ashravan pashava ud-yamaanam tad braahmanam punar asmaan upaitu "
Atharva Veda 7:66; Zend Avesta Prishni, Chapteer 8, Gatha 12

Translation: O Lord! Whether you be in the sky or in the wind, in the forest or in the waves. No matter where you are, come to us once. All living beings restlessly await the sound of your footsteps.

Destiny's child...!!

This morning, luckily i got up just in time when newspaper comes at my doorstep as there is someone around who steal it almost 10 days in a month before i see it.

I live in Flat no. 705 n people in 701 to 704 don't look like that they cant pay for their newspapers. Anyway i will catch that thief very soon.
So, when i found my beloved newspaper lying there on doorstep i was happy but only for a very short time.

The 1st thing i read is one of my favorite articles in TOI and 1st time find it so depressing at prima facie. its the famous "speaking tree" that comes daily. I said, i found it depressing initially, because it reaffirmed few of my fears on 'fate' but initially and just so bcoz it also provoked my thoughts on a very relative individual thing we call "success". It talks about something so beloved and feared by all of us ....but we remember it only when we are either in a complete comfort zone or completely out of it. There is a word for it and that word is "Destiny".
The article i am talking about is titled as "what Geeta says about Free will and destiny".
well...well...right now or for past few years my only hope in life is my "Free Will". to take right decisions as per my own free will and correct and improve a lot about past, present and future. Dont we all live with this Idea; this hope? This article draws upon two sources and finally concludes it on a rather superficial, trivial note. it quotes from "Padama Purana and Bhagwat Geeta" (Both of them i keep in highest esteem) and recent developments happened in a German institute....that researches on psychology and human consciousness.
Alright so lets get down to it, here comes the smasher of all our hopes -
Padma Puran (an ancient Hindu Aryan scripture) says...that the fate of five things are already decided at the time of one's conception in the womb. The aggregate wealth one will generate, education, occupation, life span and the way & place of his death. wow, that takes away literally all hope. Now it goes on saying that - its all preordained and will come to pass no matter WHAT.

So before, i scrutinize this with my infinite intelligence and undying optimism, it has to get even worst by what Germans recently discovered as mentioned in the article. Lets get over that as well. Those German researchers have concluded that so called "Free will" is not free after all. Its little more than just an illusion. it further says that human beings are merely a clog in the biological clock-precise machine and we don't have any more control over our destiny or don't have any more "free" will than a Swiss watch.
They discovered (too late...) that , our sub-conscious mind dictates and decides on all our actions long before our conscious mind realises it. They were too late ...alright but their discovery is also too little ...because what they didn't discovered yet is that ...what they call conscious and sub-conscious minds are just one layer in unknown number of layers or consciousness. That's just one level of abstraction and there are unknown number of abstractions. its like there is .....sub-sub conscious mind and our sub-conscious is conscious with respect to our sub-sub-conscious. u get that? So the fundamental reason of our decisions and actions comes from a layer of consciousness thats too deeply hidden from our outward consciousness that its completely out of understanding and hence control. Phew....scary...isnt it?

Now, the writer ...run back to Bhagwat geeta on this depressing note and try to draw inspiration from there ....from what does Krishna says about it. Finally concludes that we do have some "limited" free will ...and we should use that for better. can you believe this ...."Limited Free will"!!! Isn't it so inherently contradictory. Whatever is limited, cant be free and vice- versa.
Freedom can not be quantified....its free from all measures and character and thats why its freeeee. So writer falters there ....and i guess he was amiss since the very beginning of his propositions. Well, tell you the truth... he simply is a skeptic of all things Godly and divine. Lets say ...he is not able to understand yet.
Now....i intend to re-write that article in my next post. Yeh, i didnt answer any of those questions i raised so far but ...i got a meeting in next 20 minutes and need to focus on that ....but then it will happen as its destined so whats there to prepare....:). but i am going to think about that and give it my best. so ..whatever i write in the next post......the hint is ....I can be Freeee...!!

Shadows

Shadows so inviting,

never found before, never looked for.

Light so harsh,

anticipated, feared, loved, hated.

Failure - dreaded, Success - empty

One day, life - loving

and the next, life - dreary

Everyone so close, so dear

and yet so remote.

Cared for, protected,

pushed away, longed for.

So many secrets, kept

and partly revealed. Truths hidden,

lies exposed.

Looking for refuge in pity or

solace in anger

Rumours - started, ended, accepted, denied

testing the strength.

Rumours to hide behind,loathing, relieved.

Memories - happy, sad...

Life - unending remorse

Uninterrupted joy.

Cant Sleep tonight ...

What do you do when sleep refuses to come to you?You’ve been in bed for more than three hours now. Waiting. Wide awake. He simply has better things to do than to be with you tonight.You burrow deeper into your bed. It’s so comfortable, it surprises you anew. The room is dark. All yours. Alive to music. The soft strumming of an acoustic, the rhythmic beat of the drums. Perfect to drop off to sleep.Except, of course, you don’t. You just can’t.You’ve been thinking. All day long, you’ve considered, reflected and reasoned. It’s not an answer you’re searching for. Not that there aren’t questions – oh my, yes, there are. Enough. More. But answers are a ridiculous option when you’re in the mood to appreciate the questions that have arisen. You want to explore them. Tease them. Follow one question and see where it leads you. Another question, probably. You don’t mind. After all, these are not problems that demand to be solved.And without warning, you’re suddenly in a whirlpool of memories, possibilities, forgotten lyrics, cherished plans that didn’t see the light of day and promises you’d made to yourself. Feelings you’d buried (and had thought were quite dead) surface, sticking out their tongue cheekily at the observation that they’re entirely pointless.So, yes, you’ve thought. But it’s enough now, and you want to sleep. You really do. You’ve exhausted your stock of questions. Besides, you’re no longer in the mood. You have to wake up early in the morning. You can barely grab a couple of hours of sleep if you crash into slumber mode right away, and those couple of hours you definitely need.Why bother emphasizing the need to sleep? You know you’re not going to get any.What do you do when sleep spurns you, and there’s no one to stay awake with you?